Pivotal moment?

What now then? Where do I go from here?

To answer those questions I must first ask some more. What do I want out of tango? What paths call to me? Not what do I want to achieve, or where do I want to get to. To ask those questions is to focus only on the end goal, which we have already seen as not being fruitful or beneficial to ourselves.

I want to lead. Not just for getting more dances or balancing out my tango self, but for something much deeper than that. Something inside of me yearns to create, to be the constructor of the dance around and into which the other brings their own self. I still want to follow. I want to be able to take a lead's creation and bring my personality to their design, but right now I need, not want, to be able to create that dance. I want it all.

I truth I do. I want to be balanced, to be able to lead as well as I follow and vice versa. Can this be done? I don't know. I see no reason why not but Ia m sure there are those who would tell me otherwise.

Back to the original question then. What now? Where do I go from here? What I cannot do is neglect my following and expect to pick it up again at some later date. I need to continue dancing, taking classes - be it group, workshops or privates - as a follow. But I also need to do two, maybe three things as a lead. I need to practice leading at practices and dance at quiet / spacious milongas. I need to practice what I learnt this weekend, repeatedly and systematically - it will apply to my following also. Finally I need to pick classes as a lead - be it group, splitting or devoting privates or something else. The trick is going to be deciding which role to play in which classes. For now I'm leading towards beginner classes as lead and intermediate as follow. Except with Vio and there I take on more as a lead.

Once my general leading is of a higher standard then no doubt I will have to reexamine the situation, but I'm not there just yet. I do want to study with Vio much more. I love her dancing and her teaching. I need to be more selective of who else I chose to study under. Up until now I' have taken a scattergun approach - working with nearly any visiting or top teacher around. I need to change that approach now and really think and chose. My wallet needs me to also!

For today though, I can just be happy. I had a great weekend.